The last time I swam must have been around 15 years ago, when you still bought costumes because it had your favourite Disney character on, or it had some trendy stripes. So when I came to looking for swimming kit, I had no idea where to look! Do you go to sports shops and get a high tech sports professional one, risk the internet and Google “swimming” praying that the website will send you more than a strip of fabric that will become transparent after 1 wear, or go to your local high street shops like M&S for a more conservative one that doesn’t make me look like “all the gear and no idea”?

My colleagues in the office had great fun discussing at length the best place to get a costume, considering fashion or function, and where you could get something that would retain you at least some shred of modesty (ladies costumes, of course, consider that there are certain areas you might need padding and support). But then to make matters more complicated I had forgotten to consider other factors to consider now that I was a “grown up”:

• I get my hair coloured, and so can’t swim without a cap on in case it causes further damage. I also learnt from my hairdresser 2 important facts. Firstly, hair does not turn green in chlorinated water, or so she has assured me. Secondly, you should avoid swimming at least 24 hours after you get your hair coloured as the hair is more porous and so my blonde hair could have become a whiter shade of pale

• I have the joy of being both short sighted and having a stigmatism, so swimming without glasses on and nothing to help me see would terrify me; I like to know where I am going and what’s around me. Luckily I did a bit of online research and found that Specsavers sell prescription goggles for under £20. You are limited to black or blue, but at this stage, with a lycra suit that hid nothing and a swimming cap making me look like some sort of alien, I had nothing to lose. Plus when they arrived they looked similar to my swimming buddies expensive normal goggles.

Since then I have found out about skins (some sort of modern take on a Victorian bathing suit), and wet suits vs. dry suits (apparently dry suits are for below 10 degrees Centigrade and above that temperature a wetsuit would normally provide the best solution).

But the general consensus has definitely been that no matter what, I will still look a bit clueless, and so will proudly attempt the ‘all gear, no idea’ look with as much conviction as I can.